haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
