there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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