My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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