A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
