I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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