i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
