Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dear god my vagina.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
