She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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