She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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