12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
