I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
