How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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