I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
