ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
