You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
