worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
