one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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