Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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