i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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