gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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