allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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