i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
