the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will die if light touches me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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