I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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