dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
