wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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