i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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