the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
