oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
