i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
