You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
and you fell through a lawn chair
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
