It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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