we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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