My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
