Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
