Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
