I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
