Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
