and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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