it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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