his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
