you would pick up someone in the library
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
