I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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