i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
