wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
