conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
