she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
