I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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