You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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