Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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