be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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