I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
