i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
