i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
