Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
