Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
