I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
