I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are we still banned from the library?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
