pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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