Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
