My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
