i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
