I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
