what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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